New Journal

[Lovely]

Dear Journal,

I have purchased this new book to write in from time to time. The old one had become much too chaotic for my current tastes.

I have gone through more changes as of late. In an effort to fix my life once again, I have been working on a regiment of physical and mental activities. So far these have worked well, and I once again feel on top of my game. It has been quite a while since I felt this strong and self sufficient.

I am now a professor at Silvermoon University. I teach a class that explores the Alliance, and how they think. Of course, I still have a few friends in the Alliance, but I am not betraying them. I never counted myself or my friends as true Alliance anyway, as the Alliance is a power hungry group of tyrants that tend to ruin everything.

But I will save my rants for my students. This journal is for recording things about myself, not the Alliance. Or Gnomes.


Being a faculty member at Silvermoon University is the best thing that ever happened to me. It keeps me focused, busy, and I am actually doing well there. I help the students when I can, and being in an authority situation has given me a better eye for how I need to be responsible for my actions. I feel calmer and more in control than I ever have before.



I broke up with Tamora yesterday. It was very painful. I love her just as much now as I have before, but this was something I could not keep pretending was working. She and I are so much alike now its scary, but we walk different paths. I wish I could change things, and be hers and hers alone, but that will not happen again. I will love her as my friend and hope to still be considered special by her as well. In the meantime, I am not looking to start any new relationship.


I am calling together a meeting of those in House Nex'Cruor this week. Since the return of Clys, we have not all had a chance to get together and discuss things. The letters have been sent, and there is much to talk about. I will not write anything here, lest someone find it. House Nex'Cruor business is best kept in our heads, not on parchment.

Until next time,

Lovely Nex'Cruor

[Lovely]

((A snapshot on gnomish paper is stuck behind the first page))

http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c284/LovelyPaladin/WoWScrnShot_101107_211845.jpg

[Lovely]

Dear Journal,

We had a meeting last night of House Nex'Cruor. I knew when I called this together that it might be a gamble. Evanthe came, as I had asked, and more than one person seemed to be a little unnerved with this. No matter. She and Skafloc are bound now, and regardless of whether or not they are married, she is family. I have accepted this, and will keep an eye on her. My hope is that she loves Skafloc enough to remain loyal to this family. It seems that she does.

What we discussed at our meeting is not something I can write here. The secrets of House Nex'Cruor will remain secrets. I am not foolish enough to write them down. But there is one thing I feel the need to write.

Clys.

I had arrived first at the Nex'Cruor summer home...What is known by some as Shadowfang Keep. Of course, it was overrun with worgen, as usual, but after a quick sweep I was able to destroy all the vermin. Chauncey will have to come clean the place up as they made quite a mess.

But Clys...She and I spoke for a few minutes before everyone got there. And I discovered something I had never known.

When I was a human, and Clys first took me...Branded me...Tortured me...I had been sent to the RAS to be dissected. Clys had told me I would die, and I had accepted it. But things turned out differently and I was rescued.

Only last night, nearly two years after the fact, did Clys tell me that I was never in any real danger. She told me that she had a contingency plan to free me at the last moment. I belong to House Nex'Cruor...and even then she loved me in some kind of bizarre way.

I found myself asking why. Why would she do this to me? Why did she put me through that torture...take my innocence....humiliate me? Why not just take me in as her daughter then?

Was it to toughen me up? Brainwash me?

These are questions I need to ask her the next time we are alone...There is more to this than I know about, thats for sure.

Sometimes I think she is insane. She made me strip last night and dance with her....Well...She didn't make me...But I did it anyway. She took pictures for a periodical of some sort. I just hope this doesn't make trouble for me later.

At times I think she might be crazy...And then I realize that she just sees things in her own way. She is smart, like Hellista, but misunderstood...

I hate her...and I love her...She is my matriarch....My mother...

[Lovely]

So...

Clys told me that she took me because of who and what I was...And I suspect for mere entertainment purposes. She took me, molded me, and made me what I am today. There is no denying, even with free will, that I belong body and soul to House Nex'Cruor. I accept it, and in doing so have learned to revel in it. They are my family now...The past is gone.

Clys also told me a few other things, which I will keep to myself. But I wish to write that what she told me shook me, and saddened me a bit, even as she chuckled at the fate which befell me.

And now, I will be changed by her again. Soon, I imagine. Both Izrail and I have been offered immortality, as is the way of the Immortalis. But she also mentioned that with a changed body, I would have the ability to conceive children. Heirs to House Nex'Cruor.

Light save me, I don't know that I want that. Or need it. My life has been chaotic enough without throwing a child into the mix. I know for a fact I would be an unfit mother...

If Clys does do this to me, and wishes me to give her an heir, I will give the child to someone I can trust. But I honestly don't think I will ever get married or have a child. Ever. Such things are not meant for me. If she wants an heir, she will have to find Morgauth, or another source...I know Izrail will not give her one. And Skafloc...I am not sure if he were to have children, who they would be to Clys.

She torments me so...And I still follow her will. Such is how she made me.

I spoke with Tamora. She is having problems related to the runes...Relating to her past, which I will not write here. I will watch her as I can...

Alana and I spoke last night. I confided that one of the reasons I broke up with Tamora was that I was jealous of how much time they spent together. Then Tamora showed up...and I wished to watch over her...But Alana took her. They left me standing alone, as I have been for quite some time.

But I brought this on myself. My job keeps me very busy, and keeps me out of trouble. Loneliness is but a price I pay for my sanity. I pay it gladly. My only respite is my secret lover, the one I tell no one about. I hope to see him again soon. It has been quite a while...and he knows my body well....knows my thoughts, and my needs...But that is something for me, not for a journal.

I saw Leoren last night. I hear he has a sister, so I asked him about her. He was less than happy to discuss her. Must be something there...A problem. I hope that he works it out, whatever it is. I also told him that he should remove his helm more often. It makes his hair look bad, and I know Nymare would probably be pleased to see more of his face anyway. Not that she probably pays much attention to that part of him.

*A smily face is drawn here*

Well, I will now go find something to do. I have class soon, and then I will see if I can find some relaxation. Perhaps I'll even find Qabian again and see if he wants to discuss things.

[Lovely]

Dear Journal,

I am a successful professor at Silvermoon University.

I am gorgeous, with a perfect Sin'Dorei Body made by alchemical science.

I am powerful, and bend the light to heal myself and others.

I am generous, and I try to do what I can to aid others.

I am smart, and use my wisdom to aid my House.

I am loyal, and have friends who know they can count on me.

Yet I still cannot find a date for the upcoming ball. I think perhaps I will read a book that night, and eat some good warm food. As Daala always said, Balls are overrated anyway.

Yours,

Lovely Nex'Cruor

[Lovely]

Dear Journal,

I went to the Ball. Alone. And I had the most wonderful time.

I suppose technically I wasn't alone. I was with my fellow teachers and students, and I got to stay backstage while they performed a satirical play. I think the audience appreciated it, with a few exceptions.

Skafloc was there, as well as Evanthe. She has been angry with me over the situation with Feleena, but I think she finally understood that I was no threat to her. In fact, I love Evanthe more now than I ever have before. I hope soon I can call her sister.

Feleena. My "Daughter." A girl from an alternate future. I have not yet spoken to her, and I'm not sure what to say or do about her. Should I stay away? Or try to take an active part in her life? I have no idea.

But I do have an idea about Nymare Sunfire.

She showed up at the party with Leoren, of course, and as usual was wearing a naughty outfit. Nothing wrong with that at all, and I had no problem with her. Until I heard that she was no longer with the House of Ghant.

This infuriated me. I have stayed silent for a long time and watched as this woman has served herself without regard to promises she has made. Seeing her fawn over Leoren while she abandoned her immortal pledge to The Ghants was the final straw. I had to confront her.

She assured me that she was still a "reserve" member. Which to me makes no sense whatsoever. I may as well say I am a reserve member of The Grim. But after seeing her pattern with Skafloc, Roth'rili, and the Ghants, I found myself unable to respect this woman any further.

I sent her a letter and informed her that for personal reasons, I would not take part in her wedding to Leoren, as she had asked me to. She was a bit upset, and when she asked me why, I told her what I thought of her. I told her about the patterns I had seen, and that I did not want to be involved when I know that six months down the road poor Leoren will be cast aside for the new toy of the month.

Thats when her true colors came out. She immediately brought my brother Skafloc into it, comparing me to him, and pretty much saying that "Those Nex'Cruors" were beneath her.

I have taken steps to insure that she will learn to respect my family. I am Nex'Cruor, and I am faithful to my own. She will regret the day that she chose to insult my brother, and my family. This I promise.

As for Leoren, I feel sorry for him. I have been in his shoes, hypnotized by lust and "Love." He is truly the victim in this. I hope that someday down the road, he will understand this, but for now I will remain silent and let him be happy.

[Nymare]

((...

....


NO U! XD))

[Lovely]

((...

....


NO U! XD))

((In a perfect world this would be settled with our characters getting naked and wrestling in jello.))

[Nymare]

((We can take this back to Zangarmarsh for Mud Wrestle Mania pt. 2...))

[Lovely]

((Sexay!!))

[Lovely]

Yesterday was an eventful day, to say the least.

First, I was put in a machine by mother to remove any excess humanity I might possess, in preparation for becoming immortal. The process was quite painful, and my body still aches all over. My soul....Is also in pain.

I have discovered that my personality is almost unchanged, as I had already become mostly Sin'Dorei over the past few months. But the human part of me is now dead. Desttroyed. Gone forever.

This leads me to other questions, brought up while talking to Skafloc and Tamora. What am I now? Everything that I used to be is gone. I have no memories before nine months ago. If my human soul is gone...what is my soul now? Am I like Atanasia...An automaton created by Clys to serve House Nex'Cruor?

I will have to look into this, and possibly even seek the council of a shaman to discover these answers. I hope to find Diomades and see if he can shed some light on my questions.

Also, my hit on Nymare went off last night. My friend Sowell and his Cartel managed to track her down in Dustwallow Marsh, dropping her right in the middle of the camp from what I understand. Had I still possessed my humanity, I might have felt some remorse. But she deserved it, and I do not regret my actions. People need to learn to respect my house.

As expected, Leoren called me out. He was furious. How dare I have his woman touched by filthy assassins...

Leoren was ready for a fight, as I knew he would be. There was no way I could beat him, and I knew this as well. The man wears the best armor that a warrior of retribution can get, and all of it enchanted to make it top of the line. While I, on the other hand, am a healer.

Still, I met him with honor. He called me a whore twice before we fought, and a Liar, and a coward. I knew then for a fact that his anger and his "Love" for Nymare had clouded his mind for good. I am not a whore...I've never charged for sex. I haven't even had sex since July. Celibacy is one of the things that has taught me to better myself. As for lying, I know I do not do that as well. Nothing to prove there. And calling me a coward? How am I a coward when I rushed to face him, knowing he would easily strike me down in combat?

The man is a fool and I feel pity for him. I hope when she finally leaves him for her next playtoy that he doesn't feel too bad when he realizes I was right. I think now he is at least beginning to see, even if he will not admit it.

I tried to fight Leoren, knowing it was futile. I could have just stood there and let him beat on me, but I feel sorry for him, and wanted to at least give him the illusion that he fought for something worthwhile. He had me down in seconds. I will write this with full honesty that I have never been hit that hard, not even in the dungeons of Karazhan. The man is an animal, and I admire his strength.

Afterwards, he walked away, telling me if I wanted a war, I had it. I don't think he understood. This is not about a war. This is about me standing up for my brother, for the Ghants, and for Leoren himself. I have no intention of harming Nymare again. She isn't worth it.

Skafloc and Evanthe showed up moments after the fight. When they found out what happened, both they and Tamora were anxious to find Leoren and put him down. I made them promise not to touch him. I told them to remember that he was a victim here, even though he didn't yet know it. And I assured them that I was fine. They reluctantly agreed, to which I am happy. The golden duo will be left alone, and Leoren will have to find out for himself that bliss always comes to an end.

I talked to Xenaken later in the night. He was unaware of any of this. I tried to tell him of the events from an unbiased point of view, and asked that he console Leoren as a best friend should. I feel so sorry for the Blood Knight.

In the meantime, I am putting this event behind me. I am above it now, and soon, with the aid of my beloved mother Clys, I will be above more than that. I am a creation of House Nex'Cruor, and I will be immortal at the side of my family.

[Lovely]

I can't believe what happened.

No, this isn't about that crap with the Golden Duo. This isn't about the Alliance attacking Tirisfal last night. This isn't even about the strange way that Clys and Skafloc acted toward me. All those things are important, and nearly had me defeated....

Until I found a kindred soul. I never would have dreamt in a million years who it was. But the night was bliss. I know the light looks down upon this Sin'Dorei now. I have faith once again.

[Tamora]

(( The plot thickens? ))

[Alana]

(( The plot thickens? ))

((Sheesh! How much thicker can it get?!))

[Lovely]

Interesting turn of events.

Last night someone put a hit out on Clys in retaliation for the one on Nymare. Luckily, it didn't go through, as the Cartel has an arrangement with Silvermoon University. But this leads me to think there will be other attempts. By other mercenary groups.

I don't know if it was Nymare. Word has it that she is trying to put this behind her. But I don't trust her. And it also could have been Leoren's people.

I got in trouble over this incident, regardless. I think I may be even on probation with Skafloc. He was rather cold to me the other night, which bothered me to no end. I don't understand his motives.

I am now trying to move on. There are things I am working on to better myself, and I am dealing with memory loss as a result of my choice to have my humanity removed. I don't remember anything before nine months ago, to be honest.

I have started a new relationship. Not sure yet where it will go, but the two of us are taking it slow and exploring ourselves and each other, seeing where things lead us. The person I am now with is incredible. Very charismatic, beautiful, and more understanding than I ever thought she would be in the past. I am infatuated in a large way, and I hope when people find out that they do not upset what she and I have both worked for. My reputation could easily damage her credibility as a leader, and this has me concerned. I never want to hurt her.

I will write more when I get the chance.

[Lovely]

She has become the focus of my thoughts. Her beauty is deeper than most would think, inside and out. Her mind is sharp, as strong as her grip when she pinned me to the rocks. I have broken my vow of celibacy for her....and I feel no regret.

My dark angel, I want to write your name. But only when it is right. I don't want to chance someone finding this journal before things become public. I will keep your name close to me, and will keep it in my heart, where your soul resides.

I will sleep well tonight. Content. Loved. Happy.

[Izrail]

((I am so curious.))

[Annelia]

(( Post Deleted because I have a clear head now and realised I have said some hurtful things to a friend. I realise I cannot take back what was said. Im sorry lovely. ))

[Lovely]

((Post deleted. Not relevant))

[Lovely]

Today we fought for the Frostwolves. She and I, and one of her men. The battles were hard, and well fought by both sides, but at one moment in a bunker, I thought we would forget the entire battle and take each other right on top of the corpse of a human commander. Only her man showing up stopped us. Covered in blood, she looked terrifying and beautiful at the same time. I cannot control myself around her....

[Malethia]

((Oh...and here I was thinking it was me. I wasn't in AV last night, so I guess it's not me. Le sigh.))

[Lovely]

((Plus, Lovely has never slept with Mal....at least not that I know of. I need to iron out the kinks on my cybroz-bot program.))

[Annelia]

(( what mod is that lovely? O.o ))

[Lovely]

Eventful night...

I fought for the Frostwolves quite a bit today and this evening...So I was already tired. But I met her. She made me feel better. Calmed me, made my mind grow easy. Made everything seem safe and happy.

We went to the monestary and helped a few of my students. They didn't know who she was for the most part, but it was obvious she and I were together. We were very close, and weren't trying to hide it anymore.

I know things will come out of this that could be harsh to us both. Tamora is already mad at me, and I know my mother will have a fit as well. Lots of people will have something negative to say, but there is nothing I can do. I am with her now. I am in the arms of my dark queen, and we will make each other stronger with each passing day.

She is my friend, and my lover. My mistress and a leader.

She is my Lascivious.

[Maegannon]

(( :O ))

[Qabian]

((Oh, Saaaamm!))

[Lovely]

((Yeah, some people may be a bit pissed off at this, IC.))