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Xaraphyne
09-19-2007, 02:15 PM
[[ Filora ]]

I haven't kept a diary since I was very young, still living on the farm... And for the life of me I can't remember what I used to write about. My adventures with my siblings. Wondering what Silvermoon was like? Secret hiding places and complaining about daily chores. That was my life as I was growing up.

I suppose I should introduce myself, as long as I am pretending like I'm writing these words to someone who wasn't already thought them. My name is Filora and I'm told I'm a free spirit.

Where my moral code came from, I have no idea. My parents are steady and strong people and all of my siblings have grown into fairly respectable and predictable lives. But even at a young age I hated having any rules or restrictions and never understood their necessity. I looked at my parents working from dawn until dusk to take care of their land and it always seemed to me that it was from lack of imagination. They were told that that was how they were supposed to live their lives, and never questioned it. And when I did, it simply made no sense to them, and they tried to mend my ways; but of course it never worked. I could never fit that mold.

But I can't even feel guilty about not meeting their expectations, or the expectations of my heritage or the world at large. I can't be anything besides myself, and there's no guilt in that.

It's funny how many people will stare at me in amazement when I make a statement like that.

I might write more later, I don't feel like it anymore.

Ninorra
09-19-2007, 02:23 PM
((Yeeeee Filora! =D))

Xaraphyne
09-21-2007, 07:59 AM
The reason I decided to keep a diary again is because lately, it's been hard to keep my thoughts straight...

I don't normally have a hard time figuring out what I want. It's funny to me when someone can't. People spend so much time in denial and following what they've been told to do, when simple reflection can reveal the truth. What you really want shines in your eyes and moves your hands. Look at what they're telling you, not what you've been told, or are trying to tell yourself.

That's why I knew right away when I fell in love with him...

Wanting to do things that would earn his attention, his approval... The way my heart would thump every time he looked at me, or was even nearby. I'd be a fool to pretend otherwise. But for once, I'd also be a fool to allow such desires to sway me.

You can't change what you want, but attempting to achieve the impossible is pointless.

So I stayed back, kept silent, and gave no indication of my desires. And watched with amusement I could muster as others muddled, lost, through realizing their own desires which I could see so clearly. And began to wonder.

I'm done writing for today.

Xaraphyne
10-08-2007, 04:06 PM
I found this diary in the bottom of my pack. I'd completely forgotten about it. I guess that's just like me.

Now it's been some five minutes and I still can't find the right words to say, that would coherently record my thoughts at this time. This is my own diary, yet it's difficult for me to put words to anything that really matters, even if I'm the only one who will ever see them. It's easier to not think about these things, not remember them, avoid that which makes you uncomfortable... or worse.

But it's always been important to me to always be moving toward the future I desire, to always know the path to my goal and be placing my feet one in front of the other as I head down it. And in this growing confusion I've been lost, just utterly lost.

Something terrible happened not long ago... Something that I'm sure happens to many people, and which in and of itself was not the worst possible occurrence, nor was its outcome by far. But for me, it was horrible... I have never been so terrified in my life.

I always thought I was a strong, capable person... But after seeing so many people pass me in strength, and quickly, I realized it was not true. I'll never be able to face the world without fear no matter how deliberately and wisely I tread.

Fear is now my companion... and I'd never known how free I was without it.

But there are a select few whose company seems to chase it away...

I may remember this diary again later. I may not.

Vaande!
10-08-2007, 04:56 PM
((Hrmm.. I wonder! ))

Xaraphyne
10-24-2007, 05:56 PM
< The diary's pages have been torn to shreds and tossed away. >