It has only just begun

[Szordrin]

*there are numerous scratch-out's and scribbles at the top of the page till the middle. The entry starts from then on the very first page*

I bought this journal today before heading out from Silvermoon. It's been so long since my last change of scenery... I hope the outcome is less traumatizing. I have yet to find any new friends within the barren land that the orcs have claimed as theirs. Although, I did witness a great deal of culture at Orgrimmar when I first stepped foot in the city… I witnessed a group of trolls do a sort of dance yet sparring with each other. It was highly entertaining and almost educational. They were the zuma or some sort brothers. Incredibly talented. She would have absolutely loved the sight… I would do anything to bring her with me… And here I go again...

Anyway, I should get to bed before I think too much. Tomorrow is a new day and with that, hopefully I’ll have the opportunity to make some acquaintances or even friends in this “new world.”

-SJ


“Without music, life would be an error”

[Szordrin]

These mountains are remarkable. It's as if the gods took their palette and decided to use the most beautiful shade of crimsons, reds, yellows, oranges, maroons... I've been so used to foliage skattering the skies and topping the mountains. But this,... Absolutely remarkable. It inspired me today. I walked out from the Crossroads encampment to the nearest mountain ranges with my ink pen and paper. I sat at the summit for nearly two hours putting my ideas down on paper. Oh yes, I forgot to mention... I'm writing a symphony. I've decided to include the native's instruments into the score. I was so intrigued by the trolls that it almost seems obvious to incorperate this culture into the piece of music.

I have yet to find a partner or friend in this new world to converse with. I've helped many but it seems the majority are focused on their own agendas. That's alright though, I have one as well. *there are a few lines scratched out*

-SJ

"A symphony must be like the world. It must contain everything."

[Leoren]

(( Welcome to the boards mate! I'll have to have Leo pop around when he's not busy getting himself ripped a new one while trying to save a girl! Again, welcome to the Twisting Nether :). ))

[Szordrin]

Today was one of those days where I've done alot but felt like I've accomplished nothing. I suppose the best bet is to head back to the encampment and sleep it off.

-SJ

"Music should strike fire from the heart of man, and bring tears to the eyes of women."

[Szordrin]

*The entry here was completely scratched out*

SJ

"Music, even in situations of the greatest horror, should never be painful to the ear but should flatter and charm it, and thereby always remain music."

[Szordrin]

Sometimes the path you choose crosses a path you had never expected to meet before. Today I was sort of faced with a delimna. To follow what the Blood Knights have taught me or... to follow my heart. I met someone. She is absolutely incredible and hypocritical all in one nice neat bundle of amazing.

I never thought I'd write something like that before. Anyway, I want to see her again. I can't stop thinking about her and I had such a writers block with my composition... Right now it's all flowing through my head so fluidly that I can't help put begin my writing as soon as I left her. Here, in my new room in the Halls of Sanctuary, I'm laying on my bed, my composition to the right of me and journal to the left and all I can think or write about is her. I hear the trumpets blaring, the strings playing the most beautiful melody of love and conflict. Oh path of Light, what have I gotten myself into now?

SJ

"Truly there would be reason to go mad were it not for music"

[Ninorra]

((Yehehehe! So sweet! I shall have to meet this fellow musician!))

[Xaraphyne]

[[ Incredible and hypocritical in one bundle of amazing... wow XD ]]

[Szordrin]

Well, I took a few days off from writing in here because I was incredibly preoccupied. They say that many great composers leave to complete their work but I just can't do that as much as I'd love to. I have a persont that I'm falling head over heels for, I'm nearly ready to choose my role in Sanctuary, and most importantly I can't leave my role as a follower of the Light. Although, I brought my Violin, ink and some paper to try and compose a bit more for the symphony. It's alot harder to compose on a violin rather than a piano but oh well. I hope I'll get the chance to see her in the next few days. I've been wondering what she's been up to...


SJ


"People come to music to seek oblivion: is that not also a form of deception?”

[Szordrin]

It's been quite a few days. I wonder if she is out being free spirited... Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there is no room for love in my life anymore. I suppose I should stop chasing a false dream...

SJ

...

[Szordrin]

I'm close to entering my 30th season as a Paladin and I'm still unsure of what role I wish to take within the Sanctuary. I suppose I've spent too much time thinking about a woman and my music...

Anyway, being a Scrapper has it's perks. I would have the opertunity to be on the front line of battle, healing as well as handing out justice but it just seems as if it would go against my promise. Although, there hasn't been much of a reason lately for me to make such an assumptio that the promise would have any effect...

Then there's the Guardians, which would make more sense but almost seems a little boring in respects of battle. Maybe I haven't done enough research about these classes... I should ask Diomades whenever I see him again. I just hope I don't have to choose right away... I have no idea which path to take at this point.

SJ

"Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius."

[Szordrin]

I'm starting to realize just where exactly the path of Light for a Sin'dorei really is. I've had to kill and reincarnate fellow brothers, I recently had a string of onslaughts to take part in. I'm not quite sure that our powers are necessarily "just" in taking anymore. I can feel a fire burning inside me. I get the urge to fight time and time again but I know I need to resist. It's against sanctuary's codes, my moral codes... Just a few days ago some arrogant kin decided he would flaunt his stengths. It made me so ready to tear him down from his high horse...

What's happening to me...

SJ

"Companions, in misery and worse, that is what we all are, and to try to change this substantially avails us nothing"

[Szordrin]

I absolutely love Brewfest. ... I try not to let people know too often but I absolutely love the taste of dark lagers. Odd? I suppose... Wine is alright but nothing tastes better than a good brew.

Anyway, It's been nearly a month since I've heard from her. I suppose it's time to move on.. I guess there wasn't much reason to wait in the first place.

I've scrapped my symphony completely. I'm starting over on a much smaller project.. but I've written a few solo peices for cello. ((if I had the full version of finale, i'd post them... but I dont.))

A new day begins now.

SJ

"I have become a different person. I don't know whether this person is better, he certainly is not happier. "

((Incase anyone was wondering, these quotes that dont mention music are still quotes from the same genre, all from famous composers))

[Ninorra]

((Poor Szor. =( ))

[Szordrin]

So.. I found her. I'm not sure how it happened but it did. It was almost too good to be true or maybe too awful to not stop to help? I'm sitting here and she looks so peaceful, so relaxed and vunerable. She was vunerable when I found her but an absolute mess.... curled up in the allyway almost ready to fall into the water in Booty Bay. I have no idea what's happened to her or why she left. Why couldn't she send my letters back? Why is Vaande still around?... I thought he nearly beat her with a bottle the time I met her.


This makes no sense. I've been hurting for her all this while and she now appears, a complete mess but still amazing. I had to help her. I couldn't just move along. When I look at her I completely melt... and the thought of her getting up and leaving without word again makes my heart ache in agony. I've come so attached to her and I only know so much. Why?

*scribbles and scratches cover the next paragraph*

No... I need to be here for her, even if she leaves. She needs someone... even if I might just be used. She needs me. Right?

SJ

"I pay no attention whatever to anybody's praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings."

[Szordrin]

I think this is right. It feels right. I think I might be falling in love. I hope it's right.

SJ

"If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music. "

[Szordrin]

Ugh. I hate this. One moment I think one thing and the next it's the other. I think it's time to just let it go. I feel like an idiot. I met a few of her friends today... One had probably the best advice I could have taken. "If you win, you lose, if you lose, you win." He's probably dead on... Even if she comes with me and decides to stay with me, she'll have him on her mind. At least if I'm out of the picture I won't have a problem with being pushed away.

Sitting here at this tavern in Booty Bay just makes me wish I could go back to what was. Everyone here is so careless and I just can't be. It's time to toughen up...

I wrote her two letters. Here they are:

*Both peices of paper are smugged with scratched-out portions and stained.*

---
Filora,

The little time I've known you I've grown attached and perhaps that's the problem. I'm too attached. I need to go. Don't write back, it's for the best. I wish you and Vaande
a happy future.

SJ

----

Fil,

I enjoyed our time at the Tavern and I'm not quite sure what to say but that tonight was incredibly enjoyable. I wish to see you again so that maybe we can talk in person privately. I sort of want to know what it's like to go sailing so maybe... you could show me? I think it'd be fun and we'd get the chance to know each other.

Write back soon,

SJ
----


So, it's pretty obvious im torn. I dont know what to do... I need to sleep on it. I feel so wreckless right now and I hate it.

SJ

"If I decide to be an idiot, then I'll be an idiot on my own accord."

[Xaraphyne]

[[ Poor Szo ;_; ]]

[Szordrin]

*The last few pages above have been torn out from the now water stained book*

I left her there. I feel like I was just like him. She told me to go and so I left. Maybe if I was more of an 'idiot' I would have stayed. Maybe I should have been more of one. I doubt I'll see her any time soon. I just hope she's happy cause I know for a while I don't think I'll be. I just need to stay around my friends more often. I really appreciate Ninorra talking to me or at least what I remember of it. I guess -now- is when the real new day starts. Wish me luck... if a book could even do such a thing.

SJ

"I am hitting my head against the walls, but the walls are giving way."

[Szordrin]

*A dried red rose lays inbetween these two pages, flattened from the folds but still intact*

I found this a little late I guess.

I'm working on a few piano pieces.

SJ

"In order to create there must be a dynamic force, and what force is more potent than love?"

[Szordrin]

She's so beautiful.

SJ

"I haven't understood a bar of music in my life, but I have felt it."

[Szordrin]

It's been a while since I've had something to write in this. Anyway, the Harvest Ball went well. I'm glad Sanctuary chose me to be the representative to help get the event all in a organized fashion and manner. I was hoping she'd show up but she didn't... So I took Nina instead but I feel bad, I didn't have the chance to chat with her because I was so busy. Then there's Vaande and that troll woman. I cant say these days have been treating me the best but at least the ball was a hit.

SJ

"A creative artist works on his next composition because he was not satisfied with his previous one."

[Szordrin]

*On top of the page are a few chord progressions written out which have some cadences circled here and there*

Well, I've finished my ideas for this next peice of literature I'm going to write. I haven't heard anything from Filora again. I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, I'm following a endless trail of disapointment and despair. She promised she wouldn't leave without writing again and well, it happened. Anyway, I'm now in the jungles of Feralas and I'd have to say that I enoy this landscape alot better than most. I should get going, I can't think too much anymore, I'm tired of feeling like I'm on the back hand of everything I care about.

SJ

"All that is not perfect down to the smallest detail is doomed to perish."

[Ninorra]

((My poor Szo! =( ))

[Szordrin]

You know, I don't write in my journal that often and never twice in one day... I'm sitting ontop of a mountain in Feralas and it's nice. I feel like I dont have to worry about anything up here. I think this is going to be my spot for now on. I'm glad to get away.

SJ

"Discipline, work. Work, discipline."

[Szordrin]

I feel gross. I feel used and thrown away. I was foolish to think that someone could actually be as pure as Autumn was. Was that even me saying it or was it some dumb trick she pulled over my eyes? I'm through. Let's hope I never see her again because I think my life would be much better without her.

*the paper is stained*

SJ

“I always try to make myself as widely understood as possible; and if i don't succeed i consider it my own fault.”

[Szordrin]

I was rummaging through a few older scores that I have kept around for a few years, some my own and many others not. I think I have lost a bit of the craft or style I was going for. I suppose that's natural for a composer to stray from his intended sound or timbre in his pieces. Well, now that I've found all of these I can dive back into what has really made my adventures enjoyable. I think I'll start to analyze a few of these pieces over again just to make sure I hadn't over looked anything.

On another note, I can completely understand where Tir was coming from last night. I hated telling him over and over again that he was wrong because in most cases, he would have been right. She's just too free spirited for me. I think I was too much of a fool to believe that our lives could co-exist in a complex and well crafted harmony. The theory behind our hearts was similar, our structure, our believes, our adventurous nature... where as she's the sort of peice without a tonal center and though mine is weak and spread, I still maintain one.

On an even broader note, I have no idea why Xaraphyne would be the least interested in how I am doing. I suppose I have alot more to learn from life.

SJ

"Of course I have used dissonance in my time, but there has been too much dissonance. Bach used dissonance as good salt for his music. Others applied pepper, seasoned the dishes more and more highly, till all healthy appetites were sick and until the music was nothing but pepper."

[Szordrin]

I havent had time to write down a thing in this book. I've been too busy on the battle front with my comrades. I fear now is the time to write with the current news in Silvermoon. Though I might have a distaste for her, I hope she hasn't been effected only out of forgiveness.

On the other hand, I've been meaning to find Ninorra... But I can't find her anywhere. I'm quite worried. I'm heading to Silvermoon tonight. Perhaps there's answers there. Light, bless me so that I cannot succumb to whatever this plague might be, guide my ways and all those whom I love.

SJ

"I was a crazy young man who let himself be blinded by his passions and obeyed only the impulses of the moment."

[Szordrin]

Well, since I've had nothing to do lately except lay in bed all day while I recover, I figured I'd write in this once again.

Being in this bed most of the time has given me alot of time to think about things. I think it's certain that my path is with that of the Holy Sect within the Brotherhood. I should speak to Vilmah about my role within Sanctuary if I were to follow that path. Being a scrapper doesn't seem all too fit with that of the Light.

It was interesting that Filora found me in my worst state. Yes, I should have taken care of myself, Yes, I should have told Nina what was wrong. But oh well, ever since that fight I haven't really cared much about recieving help from others. Even though Filora helped me, I don't think I can forgive her. I'm greatful for her and glad she saved my life... but other than that, Her words were too peircing to not have some sort of truth. If it was truth that she spoke of, then there is nothing for her to apologize for.

Anyway, I've noticed there's a pattern on my ceiling or... maybe I've just been staring at it too long. I wish I could heal faster....

SJ

“My subject enlarges itself, becomes methodized and define, and the whole, though it be long, stands almost complete and finished in my mind, so that I can survey it, like a fine picture or a beautiful statute, at a glance.”

[Szordrin]

These bandages itch an awful lot...

I'm glad the hall is more active these days.

SJ

"What would become of all historical biography if it was written only with consideration for other peoples' feelings?"

[Szordrin]

I haven't kept up with this. No, Not at all. I have been anything but myself lately. I am so torn, so ... jaded. Hopefully I can find a good motive or compelling reason to keep up with what I've started.

Not to mention I blew up on her. I can't say that she didn't deserve to hear what I had to say but I probably could have said it better. Time will tell. I can't say I expect her to even talk to me again. Oh well.

Yusegar is gone. He went to Northrend. I guess it's just me and myself. Boring.

[Chikt]

Not to mention I blew up on her.

((Hot...

... Screenshots or it didn't happen.))

[Szordrin]

((Way to take things out of context))

[Chikt]

((It's my job! ... Sorta.))

[Szordrin]

Ahh.. it's been too long. Alot has happened and too much to write about. I miss my comrade Yusegar an awful lot. Maybe even more than I had expected. I hope he's alright wherever he is in Northrend and I eagerly await word of him.

I've been thinking an awful lot and ... well, I think it's time. It's definately time. I'll have to confront my leader sometime soon and see if I'm truly worthy. Perhaps there's no positions availible but it's worth a shot. I'm ready, for sure.

SJ

"As death, when we come to consider it closely, is the true goal of our existence . . ."
((Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart))

[Szordrin]

I had to leave. There was no other choice. It was either endanger those around me or take my rash and spontaneous decisions with me. I had to chose the latter. I'm sorry for all of those who miss me and I am sure, no... I am positive some now view me with distain. Whether or not I will out right know is a different story. I can only hope that within their hearts, they'll understand. This was a choice I needed to make. To know they will be safe and to know that I could once be happy again.


P.S.

I'll miss you Bir. Just stay in for a little longer. Please.

SJ

“The human voice is the most beautiful instrument of all, but it is the most difficult to play.”

[Bir]

(( ANOTHER ONE GETTING CAUGHT IN THE NET. DON'T DO IT MAN DON'T DO IT.. Bahaha srsly though, more red candies, Bir likie red candies. ))

[Szordrin]

It's a very different feel to be outside of your home for so long. I can't say that this tavern suits me much, with a few suitcases and my instruments spread across the floor. This has definately inspired me though. I think I might be able to compose once again. Good.

SJ

“The creative process is like music which takes root with extraordinary force and rapidity”

[Szordrin]

Where to start... So many things have been happening as of late. I feel like I'm truly serving my purpose to the horde now that we've effectively defended numerous cities and villages across both continents and Outlands. In the time that I've left I've ran into many that I had been close to but it just doesn't feel the same. Nomeni was short with his words and Broxigan made haste to his exit. I don't expect them to understand but I hope that some time soon it wont be as half-hearted as it is now. I heard Ninorra is having trouble and I hope the best for her. I have been meaning to meet up with her but I can never seem to find her at the right time.

Bir. Ugh. Always trouble. Anorah's fist met my cheek because of Bir. I'm probably going to bruise from it but I haven't had a chance to check.

SJ


"Music is the mediator between the spiritual and the sensual life."

[Szordrin]

I havent seen Bir lately. I guess he went through with it. I'll miss him, he was a good friend.

Leoren promoted me to War Maven of the Paladin/Blood Knight Caste. I'm excited, honored, suprised, but most importantly eager to help as many as I can with my knowledge.

[Szordrin]

I keep promising to keep this book up to date. I think I'll make yet another attempt at doing so.

I'm worried about Bir. His skin is starting to get dry and rough. He still seems as happy as ever but I can only imagine the pain he's been going through. I tried to help. I placed blessing upon him but I'm unsure if it's taken effect or even if he realized what that was. It scared him, no less but... It was for the best.

I met Nymare. She's suprisingly nice compared to the other Grim I've met. I've got a piece of music in mind for her and I'll have to show her it the next time we exchange words. I feel as though I'm hiding something by not letting Leoren know that though.

I should tell him soon.

[Szordrin]

Well, I expected to be slapped beside the head. I'm not sure why but I've never caused any problems to Leoren's personal life until now. I suppose I caught him off guard when he found what my intentions were. Not that I blame him for being curious or jealous. Hell, I still think I have some spite for Vaande after all of these months. But... it was good. I had never heard him be so open, so vunerable before. It felt like I could truly call him Dad... which I did. It sort of rolled off my tongue, whether or not I intended to didn't matter. I think he still understood my point.

I kept to my word. I brought Rose with me to meet Nymare tonight. She seemed to enjoy it though I'm pretty sure I could have taken more liberty with the decending triplets. Either way, it led to an interesting conversation. I was very suprised about her outlook but I suppose I have been around so much optimism as of late and in the past that I wasn't expecting such a.. "realist" view. She's very interesting, to say the least. I'm not sure if I like that she doesn't befriend others more often... I wouldn't blame her given her surroundings.

And Bir... I hope I've helped you.

((Claire de Lune by Claude Debussy: The piece Szordrin was describing. Here's the violin playing the top melody. http://youtube.com/watch?v=SKd0VII-l3A

Also, here's the orchestra's ...orchestration. Heh.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=8Ikq_WsnDgA

...And it's origional form: http://youtube.com/watch?v=61mqdVF5gHY

Sorry. Can't get enough of this song. I've written so many arrangements on it... ^_^; ))

[Szordrin]

Still no sign of Bir...

Nymare was foolish to not treat her wound but as I'm getting to know her better... I suppose that would be in her nature to neglect help from others. I'm curious as to why she's like this. Either way, I admire that she can switch moods so quickly. I've often gotten myself in trouble because others have found that so "inappropriate."

Other than that, I felt very proud to be part of the Raven Cross. I truly understand why Leoren chose the old Orphanage's symbol now. We might not be catering to children in a time of need but our actions and hearts are in the same place. I can't describe how accomplished I felt even after just cleaning and stitching Nymare's wound.

It's odd to think that so many years ago I never gave heed to that cross. Of course, there was no reason to... I was so young. Other things were of importance like swimming, avoiding bullies, sneaking on Leoren and his late wife. Sometimes I miss those days of simplicity.

[Szordrin]

I wonder how foolish a friendship can be.

[Szordrin]

Waking up next to that pond was such a renewal. I'm so glad no one found me and just assumed that I was some bum if they had.

Nymare. She seems to be the subject of my entries lately. Am I truly foolish or is there something deeper than just her cover? Well, of course there is but I can only imagine what. Someone so cute, fun, ...adorable, yet her ideals are vicious and cruel. What makes her tick if she wants for nothing, not even friendship? I enjoy her company too much to just walk away. I was nearly seething when I heard what she thought was "right." There's no justice, no retribution in her words or her views on peace. It's almost as if she wants another war. Don't we have enough to worry about already? Ah.. no use. We wont see eye to eye but I know that when I feel like I should fight, she'll probably be there already. I hope she likes the gift I gave her... quite the sacrafice on my part.

Besides that.. it's beautiful today. I think I'll try and sneak Austen out of Silvermoon. I hope they fed her well.

[Szordrin]

Boring night.

Nothing happened.

Heard from Bir.. Didn't see him though.

*a few doodles cover the bottom of this page*

[Szordrin]

The answer: Yes.

[Szordrin]

As if I wasn't confused enough already. First one thing then the other.

Nymare's voice is alot prettier than I thought it was going to be.

I wish Bir wasn't sick.

I'm still a coward.

[Szordrin]

Who was she? She seemed so firmilar.

[Szordrin]

My hands are sore. Haven't wrote a whole lot because of it lately.

It was pretty obvious as to who it was.

Oh boy.

*Throughout the page there are smears and droplets of red*

[Szordrin]

Thanks to Nymare's bandaging, my hands are useful enough to write, fight, and even play some music. I really appreciate her help sometimes. She's proving to be an amazing friend even if I'll never be one in her eyes. Although, I'm a bit worried. I think I upset Leoren because I hadn't told him about my hands until tonight. Good going...

Penance Bard. Martyr. Two nick names I was given today.. Ninorra, I'll never be open with you not because of what happened today. I've never told you everything that's been on my mind. For the longest time... My eyes were set on hers and she didn't even realize, but I knew that what she needed in your life was a friend; not some young knight trying to steal her from Vicalde. Something I can never tell her either. I think it'll tear her apart.

Penance Bard... I think I'll hold onto that.

[Szordrin]

Last night. What about last night was so different? It was care free. I didn't have to worry about anything besides just enjoying myself. I haven't had the chance to do that in a long time. I thanked her but I dont think she really understands how much I appreciate a friendship at this moment. I've reconnected the ties that were nearly cut, sure. I miss Yusegar though. I'm looking forward to visiting Northrend.

I don't think she'll ever understand how much her company means at the moment. It might be nothing to her, but it's a good friendship nonetheless.

Bir. I'm so unfair to him.

I wish I knew what I wanted.

I'm working on something. I'm not sure who I'd like to perform it to but I know who inspired it. There have been many who've played this song before... I'm going to arrange it a bit differently however. It's titled Oblivion. I have yet to decide if I want it as an accompanied Violin or a string choir. Here's what I've come up with so far... Accompanied Violin (http://youtube.com/watch?v=DN8D1EViJW8) and String arrangement (http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZH35uF2BXcw&feature=related)

[Szordrin]

I tore them off. I wish I could explain why. I can't. But I cant put it back on alone. I wont tell her.

Tango. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=z_exd6U1ubY&feature=related)

That's all I could dream about. More dancing. More questions..

[Szordrin]

I laid there all day after she left. I dont think she knew I woke up but it's better that way. I just sat there and thought about what to say to Leoren, how to say it, when to approach him. I hate that I always have to break him down before I can actually speak to him. That god damn wall if his. "Harden the fel up." I don't want to be like him but I don't want to lose whatever sort of family I have. I'm glad we spoke but I know there was so much more that was left unsaid.

I always act differently around her as I look back at it. Have I really been myself, honestly? I have but... Not what I've shown others. Perhaps it's something that I'm over looking which makes me act so differently, so freely, almost... dumb. Perhaps it's that she takes care of me? I think I've taken advantage of that... I'll stop. I don't want to be someone who holds another back. Perhaps she was right? I shouldn't have friends, I feel too weak around them.

I think back to September,
There is no place for this.
When the skies turn blue to orange,
Their faces take a change.
Think,
Harder than before,
I met you, all alone.
In the well, you stood,
Wet, cold,
Your twisted thoughts,
Forgotten friends.
Who are you, what are you,
Forever ends.

Meh. Could be better. Stupid words. I'm never good with words.

[Szordrin]

I wish I didn't wake up. I'm still unsure of what we decided on, whether to talk to Leoren together or part our ways. I'm hoping for the first because otherwise, I feel like I should have said more with our final time spent together.

I mentioned to her that our dancing was like a dream but I don't think she understood my reference, which is probably the best. She means so much to me and I feel like an idiot for falling apart infront of her. I'm not strong like those who I look up to. I'm not a solid stone wall. Perhaps I gave her too much of myself last night but if it was truly our final time, I believe she deserved more than I offered.

Time will tell. What's life without risk?

[Szordrin]

I talked to Lovely for the first time ever. We've worked together alot but never really exchanged words. She told me some things that I wish I hadn't heard.... Should I ask her about them or leave it? I'm sure she's not happy with her past and if she is, then she lives without regret which I can respect as well. It's probably best to just leave it as it is.

[Szordrin]

Disapointed in me. That hurt. I hope she knows now that what I said was never meant to hurt her. I wanted to know but of course I didn't use my head instead.

Her story was surprising though. I think it'll be easier for me to make judgements or just understand her on a quicker level. I can't help but wonder though... She didn't finish a whole lot of sentences last night, each one creating a new question in my mind. She didn't finish them for a reason, so I'll leave it at that.

The sunrise was beautiful though, I wish she had turned around to see it.

[Szordrin]

I've been thinking... I should blindly follow my faith into the next thing that comes my way. I feel like I've been standing stagnant for a while. I've been standing at the stairs for too long, looking back. The life I left... it's not too far from me but I just feel like I've been at the backdoor with a life that I've left behind. I've been waiting too long to feel the sun on my back. I think it's time to go and find it. Maybe... someday, I'll stay.

[Szordrin]

I feel sorry for her but... why? Why would she even attempt... I stayed because I felt like she needed it. I can't say that I couldn't get either subject off my mind, however.

why..

I thought I was done writing for the day, but I'm not. I wonder if she thought it wouldn't matter, knowing full well that I'll be leaving soon. Am I just some doll in a play? An expendable friend? No... if she really wanted that, she would have been more persistant. She told me to leave, she knew better... I'm still shocked though.

On the other hand... I've never seen her cry. Never. It was the first time I've seen her so soft and vunerable. I should stop worrying about her irrational thoughts and start making sure she's fine. I want her to be alright.

[Szordrin]

My stomach is in knots. Why? I don't understand. I have this awful feeling... something happened. I know it. Why? ugh.... I don't like this feeling. I'm so paranoid sometimes.. Ahh... My stomach hurts so much. Did I do something wrong? Did I not do something right? I feel like there's a storm ready to approach and I'm standing right infront of it on a teeny-tiny boat. My body feels hollow, restless, sick all over. I'm nearly doubling over. I hate anxiety.

[Szordrin]

I've wrote in my journal three times today. I'm so worried. I hate this.


I just need sleep. I'll forget about how I feel if I just lay down.

[Szordrin]

I couldn't stop her. I was too late. But, I know that whatever is between us isn't trivial.

I wonder... if she felt my heart. It still wouldn't slow down.

[Szordrin]

I just want to write down how well I slept last night... even with my heart racing... It's probably the best I've slept in a while.

I wonder if it was mutual..

[Szordrin]

I should just be myself. I was.. sort of... I don't know. I wonder if she thinks differently because I was ..forward? Maybe. Perhaps that's what she wants me to be? No... She likes me the way I am, I think. Hope.

Hm.

Hope.

[Szordrin]

I had the strangest dream. I was in a ship that could sail underwater, yet it had no deck, no mast, no sails. There were windows, cabins, a head, a gally, you name it. Anyway, it was for another expedition that the Horde had asked for. We travelled from the North Sea, through the largest ocean on the planet, around some of the mid islands, back up to Northrend, and ended in Tanaris. I saw whales, sharks, tons and tons of murlocs of all shakes and sizes. There were new creatures that we had to take into account that I had never seen before. A ray of some sort, is what one of the experts called it. It was so large and beautiful. Yet.. it tried to attack us, forcing us to submerge. Odd.

I woke up shortly after reaching the docks in Tanaris. After all of that travelling, all of the beauty the sea could offer, I could only think of one person. I asked one of the members who would have known her where abouts once we unloaded from the docks. I woke up before he could answer... but the look on his face. It could have told me the whole story.

I wonder if that has any meaning.

[Szordrin]

If she told me... I'd believe her, after tonight at least... those last few words. Of course, I don't think she'd say it if she didnt mean it... but would that be a label?

[Szordrin]

*There are many marks, letters, none in a specific order. Roman numerals and a few notes litter the page. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=duSL3y2LASI) It appears to be an idea that was jotted down. The paper is stained and roughened.

Toward the bottom of the page, there's yet another set of markings, notes (http://youtube.com/watch?v=aZUhqHoFQ3E&feature=related) and letters. The writing seems as if it was done quickly.

[Szordrin]

Nymare was different last night... after we took the orphan back, I decided to take her somewhere for once. We went to the highest rise in all of Azeroth as far as I'm concerned, however, I haven't been to Hyjal yet.. Either way, I enjoy it. I dont think she liked it though. I'm just going to convince myself that it was the dwarves smell and not my taste in landscape.

We saw some black bear cubs but I couldn't find the trolls on wargs... Maybe another time... She asked at least, so I figure she's somewhat interested. I'm not sure though... at the beginning of the night I felt like she could have been content with or without me there. No.. actually, I think she would have been happier if I had just left. I'm glad things changed after that though. I think.. it was Nagrand where the night started to clear up.

All I know... is... For some reason, The Forsaken sure do know how to keep places tidy...surprisingly.

[Szordrin]

I'm starting to pack my things. I'm certain I wont miss a whole lot here... not for a while.

[Szordrin]

I've been thinking lately. I feel... illiterate. I should visit librarys more... librarys that I can actually read the text from. Am I trying to impress her or would this be for my own cause? I shouldn't care what Nymare thinks so much but sometimes.. I still just feel like a kid.

Maybe my views between Light and Shadow are skewed. I simply don't understand how one could say that they're in two separate realms. She did say she worded it incorrectly though. Either way, I don't think you can have one without the other and I've felt incomplete within the realm of my knowledge until now. I've been reading more and more about Shadow, how it works, what it does, in which ways it can be related to the Light.

Maybe, one day I can show her what I've been learning.. but not yet. I don't think she's too interested.

I went to Cristok's Challenge... I wanted to fight but I was unsure of myself. I could have won a few, judging on how others have faught. I saw too many faces that I didn't recognize. I feel isolated with this tabard on....

[Szordrin]

Here's a list of things that I should stop giving my times worth about:
-Love
-Emotions
-Luck
-Friendship
-Selflessness


What does it matter if I pay any attention to these things anyway? Has it not been more obvious, in numerous examples, that luck isn't within my best interest? Ninorra said that there's someone out there for me after she explained her love toward me. I don't get it. How unfair, how misguided and selfish. Filora shoved me away because she couldn't have both. Nymare.. I don't even know. I'm frustrated yet greatful.

I should burn bridges. I think that'll solve my problems. Sleep? I don't need felling sleep. I don't want help from anyone anymore. It's unwanted and if I have a say in it, I'll make sure they'll never want to help me again.

[Szordrin]

Ah... See? What's the point in having a conversation if I just add my opinion to another if it'll be thrown back into my face? There's no point. None at all. Wasting my time. I'm just going to lay here all night. I don't see the point in getting up.

Go ahead, think what you will. I always feel like I have to explain my words because there's too much read between the lines. Honestly? Where's the point in that?


I'm through.

*Another line is added in thicker text*

Always a misunderstanding into an argument that has no end. Bah.

[Szordrin]

So.. I lied.

I went for a walk. I'm still walking.. somewhere. I don't know where I'll end up. I've already visited the creek. I'm on my way to the barrens.. where I took my first moment to stop and look out at the mountains. I wonder if my pen is still stuck ontop of the mountain? I think I'll check.

I want to clear my mind. I wish I could cleanse my thoughts.

[Szordrin]

I've never been so disapointed before. Sure, going on an expedition is a hard choice and I had made up my mind, but to have my opportunity nearly stripped of me... it burns me inside. I finally decided that I wanted this. That I needed this. How am I going to explain to those who expect me gone that I'm not leaving? Should I just flat out tell them that I failed the qualifications? How embarassing...


I've yet to hear a response to my letter. Wonder if everything is alright.

[Szordrin]

I felt like I was truly worth something last night. I've been healing others, sure, and that is helpful. But to be able to fight along side the only thing I have as family was priceless. He'll forever be stronger and more skilled than I am, however. I did get a great sense of pride to wield my shield to protect others with Leoren though. It turned my mind off from all of the nonsense and hoops that I felt I've been jumping through.

After leaving the tower, my endorphens wore off. We were quickly cut down by a large mass of First Legion. They must have thought I brought my Libram to help mend wounds on the battle field, because I had three attempting to tear me down at once. We had little chance and had to regroup later only to check on wounds and to flee to Shattrath. You win some, you lose some. I think I'll be bitter for a while.

I finally gave up waiting for a response from Nymare. She didn't seem too interested that my contract is up for review. Why bother?

[Szordrin]

What's there not to get about a purified shadow pearl?

[Szordrin]

I forced it. I tried too hard in more ways than one and none of them felt like me. I can't understand when no one explains and I don't fit in when I feel uncomfortable in my actions. Perhaps.. I should have just not showed up.

Doubt there will be a next time.

Until then.. Desolace is my home.

[Szordrin]

I'm becoming obsessed, preoccupied and addicted to learning more. It's as if I can't have enough and I'm always clawing forward. I wanted more than anything to speak to Nymare, to see her in person last night but I couldn't tear myself from my research. In the back of my mind, all I could think about were Anorah's words.

Why should it matter?

I understand the reasoning. I understand the purpose. But, I thought he'd understand that I've sacraficed alot and all I wanted... needed... was a friend who I can be myself around.

He wont understand.

He'll hate me forever.

[Ninorra]

all I wanted... needed... was a friend who I can be myself around.


((*palmface*))

[Lovely]

((Lovely tried to warn you not to get involved in all that mess. Hehe.))

[Szordrin]

((You're both very off....>.>))

[Ninorra]

all I wanted... needed... was a friend who I can be myself around.


((Thats what Ninorra was trying to be, is what I meant.))

[Szordrin]

((Just a heads up, for those of you who want to comment on the journal, a private or visitor message would be more suitable than writing in here. Not that I dont want your comments, I just dont want Szo's journal flooded with them.))

[Szordrin]

It's been a while. I keep finding myself in this temple, searching for something. I managed to make it out and speak.. no. I really didnt say anything to her? Or did I? Did I speak to Nymare? I know I slept on her bed... but, was she even there? I know I left that book somewhere.

Either way, I can't shake this extreme desire to sleep. They're all nightmares too. All.. different versions of something that was enjoyable. The waltz... Even though that was.. somewhat hellish toward the end, I can't seem to replay it back in my mind in with a hint of happiness.

Everything is emerald to those whose eyes turn to a tainted shade.

[Szordrin]

What is a dream, really? Can anyone really remember the full details? Some dream in color, some don't. I do.

I remember... when I fled, my eyes saw everything in a taint of red and now everyone sees my eyes in a shade of green.

I wonder if that's what Bir saw. Why he's been calling me red. Did he know what it was like running?

I don't even remember... I just remember a forest of red and then nothing. Black. It was all black.

Too many colors... I just want a shade of gray.

[Szordrin]

It was refreshing but she left before I could offere a hug. Maybe next time.

[Szordrin]

Is it normal for a guy to want to sew? I guess I never paid much attention to it but I feel so clumsy. My hands just cant hold onto this tiny needle well enough to cordinate it through fabric. Bah... So frustrating.

The dreams haven't stopped, however. They keep coming back, keep reminding me of things I barely know.

That tint of red through my eyes... Let it go.

I haven't seen Leoren at all lately. I haven't even heard him through the hearth. I'm wondering what's in store next with a lack of leadership... I wanted to help, but, I'm not sure what I'll do if they turn to me. I'm glad Xenaken has been around, otherwise I would have gone insane by now.

[Szordrin]

It's been a while since I've sought out a battle or hunt. Today was different.. or has been so far at least. I'm not exactly sure why, but it was. I had heard that some friends of the Cross were recieving a bit of trouble from a specific Night Elf, one that I haven't taken a liking to from the stories that I've heard. Mmmm.. Vengence, how I'm starting to love you so.

[Szordrin]

I think she saw them. I didnt mean to show her but I lost control. That dragon knew more. The closer I came to it, the more truth it told. I can't find the entire series of visions to be true just yet... it's so jumbled. I want her to be close, though. I've tried to push her away but I know that I need her help.

I spoke to him for a reason. His.. accent was a bit rough to understand at first. It's been a few years since I've had the chance to really use Common. I think that I came up with a pact for him. I'll have to see if he sticks to it, otherwise... well, I'll hold up my end of the deal and I'm sure he wouldn't be pleased with that.

[Szordrin]

Will I stand the test of time?

[Szordrin]

We shook hands. I wonder if he'll like knowing what it feels like to have a dagger in his own back.

[Szordrin]

I told him I was sorry. I think he assumed the worst but I know it pales in comparison with what was done to him. If I could ever tell Leoren what is burning inside of me, maybe he would have understood why my loss was so devistating. He's preoccupied, though... And I'm glad thaat Anorah and him are happy. It was... awkward, however... to see them kiss. Not that the action was awkward but the fact I was there was.

Anyway... I kept her alive and perhaps that might have regained some trust from her. I dont know why it bothers me so much. I've been alone before. Alone in the sense that I can't express what I've seen or what I'm remembering. I can bottle it up again until it goes back to dreams, I suppose. I could simply fall asleep and never wake up as well...

Maybe that's the solution.

[Szordrin]

Izlude.. interesting character. I'm interested in what happened because it's obviously shaken him a bit.

Besides that.. all I have to write is this:

Laying here, across these blades of grass
Seems ten thousand miles from your lips
What a conscious effort it takes
I paid the price, counting my mistakes
Time to go, but just once

Come closer, love
Destroy us
Come closer, love

These thoughts run for ages
Around my mind, you’re lost
I stepped into your life
Nothing has come from this,
Nothing but spite

So long, love, so long.

Could I come, would you accept?
Jaded views, in hindsight,
You ought to remember
Rolling hills, endless oceans
Time to remember

Love, remember and forget
Stuck on the past
Remember, forget, love
Just forget
Toss our memories aside
Run away, I wont come back
Just forget

Love

[Szordrin]

Lately, I've been asked to help quite a few... to help those they love or to save things that are in danger. Selash... Visant...

I feel like I have a meaning again. I may never be on perfect, trustworthy terms with my patient/assistant again but this might help me learn to focus once again.

On the topic of Visant.. I've known him for a while. For the longest time we've never exchanged words and past his interview.. there really wasn't much else to say. I'm... surprised .. no. I'm glad... to see that he's able to come forward and know that we, The Cross, are here for him. As far as this Izrael character... Let's hope he's still in one piece. I don't think I can really mend the completely broken.


SJ

[Szordrin]

Interesting topic: Friends.

It was brought to my attention today as to what you consider a friend as.. given my recent past, I dont know what I can truly say a friend is. Either way.. She would have been deafened, whether or not she wishes to believe it. A trained voice.. plus that... is only asking for trouble. I'm sorry, but I wont hurt you even if you want to hear my voice.

As for Nymare... haven't heard back from my letter... I wonder if she just hasn't recieved it yet.

[Szordrin]

I've taken a bit of time on my own to look over what I've written in the past. Not in words but in notes... rhythms, harmony, melodies. Some of which I'm disgusted with and wish to tear to shreds, others I still see some potential...

Where has my motivation to create gone? Where can I find it or will it ever come back?

I think I'll just sit here on this island and look across the Nagrand sky. Solitude is awfully comforting.

[Bir]

(( *wiggly brows* Bir'd be happy to make music with you...... If you'd ever bother to finish teaching him wtf music is! ))

[Szordrin]

I feel helpless. What am I to do? Sit there and watch her tear her and others apart? Including myself? I'm not sure if I should tell her what I saw.. she's.. not herself. I'm going to leave... no. I cant. I need to sit and research. I need to help her... I could use a seal. Perhaps that's what's in store. A seal. Of blood? Sacrifice? No... A blessing.

Can I hold her in a blessing long enough to explain to her?... we'll see.

The death of a beautiful woman, is unquestionably the most poetical topic in the world.

[Szordrin]

Well, interesting... I'm not sure if I scared her or if she was tempted... Hm. She came back but, oh well.

I don't have much time to write in this anyway. I need to start researching more. ...And this little kitten is adorable.

[Szordrin]

(( http://youtube.com/watch?v=s0_zpTHkRu4 ))

*The following page is hand written music for an orchestra*

Here is my soul. Notes and all. Take what you wish because I'm offering it.

[Szordrin]

So... I've never woken up here alone. Well... the cat is here but.. alone.

Not sure what else there is to say.

[Szordrin]

It's been quiet. I must've done something wrong.

Kael'thas... what a fool.

Back to writing.. back to researching. I've had no updates.

*A few more musical notes litter the page as a continuation from before.*

(( http://youtube.com/watch?v=WKeH3oYkFiw&feature=related ))

[Szordrin]

*This page was added to the journal. It seems more like a medical document than anything else*

Subject 1: A wretched from Quel'danas

Height: 5'10
Age:Unknown
Weight: 138lbs

Misc: His skin tone is incredibly pale and translucent. He's missing most of his teeth and his face seems as if it's collapsing on top of itself. His behavior is erratic and whenever the hint of a mana-embodied person(s) comes near, he nearly tears at his own flesh to get out from his bonds. His strength is stronger than those who remain near Silvermoon in somewhat of a quarantine. He must've received a larger consumption prior to his capture.

I took a few samples from his blood and then took him out of misery as well as the others.

Subect Two: A wretched from the outskirts of Silvermoon
Height: 6'1
Age:Unknown
Weight: 157lbs

Misc: This one was scrawny, taller but far more starved than those from Quel'danas. It's hair was completely missing. It had a few teeth left and resembled more like a walking skeleton than anything else. Far weaker than the first one, though the instincts of wanting mana is far greater than one who probably was fed sooner.

Subject Three: *remains blank*
Height:5'9-5'10
Age: *Remains blank*
Weight:115lbs

Misc: She's -the rest has been scratched out-.

-

I used the samples of blood that I had. Nine vials total and three subjects.

So far, all have a very interesting reaction to a various amount of tests.

There's not too many similarities between each test. Interestingly enough... Subject 3's blood reacted differently to all of the tests.

When the white blood count was observed, Subject 3's was through the roof where as 1 and 2 remained somewhat normal compared to the control.

Each sample attacked exposure to magics. subject 1 was quicker to respond than Subject 2, and Subject 3 was incredibly aggressive to the exposure of other magics. Most notably, felmagic. The blood itself, in Subject 3 seemed to be eating away at it's own traces of magics left behind, which is daunting and a shock. It, in a way, is eating itself alive.

Exposure to Light was also a surprise. Where as subject 1 and 2 reacted at a similar amount of time, Subject 3 did not. After the exposure of Fel Magics prior, the blood to Subject 3's blood seemed to shy away until the fel magic was completely consumed. This seems as if it was pushing the fel magic away from the exposure, savoring it until it could be consumed at a slower rate.

The high blood count rate brings to me to believe that Subject 3 is infected and not exactly like Subject 1 and 2. The cure is still a little iffy.. Some would say.. continue to use Light Magic exposure on the subject until the Fel Magic is forced from the subject itself. I would think this procedure would cause certain effects that would be long term or short. It's not precise because.. well, I've never read or dealt with anything like this before.

There is talk of--*the rest is scratched out*

Diagnostic: Subject 3 is infected and needs to be cured. Theories have been created as far as the treatment but unsure as to which path should be taken.

Szordrin Jolnin

[Szordrin]

Well, that's it I guess. No response. Yes, I still want to be her doctor but.. I guess if there's someone better qualified. Whatever. I suppose I'm no longer on this project to help her. And yet... as soon as I left, I went straight to the Infirmary to continue research and tests. I'm such a sap. I hope all this work doesn't become pointless.

[Szordrin]

The topic of trust was brought up.

It's been a while since she said she doesn't trust me. I wonder if that statement, regardless of the current situation, still stands.

Perhaps I shouldn't throw my trust out so quickly...

[Szordrin]

I woke up this morning with my notes next to me and vials all lined up, ready to be tested. As I rolled out of bed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, I looked up only to see my armors hanging in front of me. They taunt me. At times, I feel like taking on these protective plates of armor are really more of a metaphor for what I'm not willing to show.

She was right, I shouldn't have let his words get to me but they did. I haven't proven myself strong nor knightly. I haven't upheld law within the walls of Silvermoon in almost six months now. Six months. Perhaps it's time to keep my armors hanging and instead walk the lands more open, more vulnerable physically. At least that way it'll be a facade to what is truly underneath my skin.

If I am to further my medicinal practices and understanding of humanoid bodies, I shouldn't let taunting get in the way. I shouldn't. I should approach my practices with a professional matter. No mana infused kisses, no martyr-like actions. Handshakes and pats on the shoulders.. and even then, is that too affectionate?

The more and more I ponder this, the less driven I feel but the more level-headed I become.

I have no time for continuous questioning of my own character. I only hope that Aphraelle is alright. She knew what I was going to do well ahead of the time but I don't think she was aware of the possible consequences.

Work. I need to work.

[Szordrin]

This... This is something I DID ask her about. I ASKED HER STRAIGHT FORWARD.

WHAT THE FUCK

[Szordrin]

All I've ever wanted to do was to help others. To put them before myself. It seems no matter what I do, the necessary courses of action to help others, I will be judged poorly. There is nothing that I can say nor do to really change their minds or perceptions.

I'll let them think what they want, what they want to believe. I've already tried to explain to Ninorra what my focuses are. She wont listen. It's always some retort with an assumption she's made. If that's how she'll see me from here on out, then that is now her fault and hers alone.

Last night. I wish I could have brought myself to say more. There's no point in dwelling on the past, like I said. And I will... I will get used to the fact. But I can definitely tell that my future around her and him will be bleak. If not by my own cause, but by his.

[Szordrin]

I met Illisade. Interesting discussion.

He brought up the topic of Nymare's condition. I said she was better but do I really know that? Sure.. what was lost was returned but that doesn't explain what I experienced in her mind, that tormented, demonic entity posing as her. I said that there should still be more to better her condition, to fight off whatever else is still residing inside her. Of course, my words were simply "I think there's more means to better her situation." But it made me think.... If there is a way to rid her of her problem, it would most likely have severe repercussions. As to what? I'm not sure. Although, I have a feeling it's a double edged sword. If that's the case, I suppose this would be my last stand.

[Szordrin]

[From this point on, most of the pages from days prior to this have been torn out. They were not torn out form the binding, but seems as if someone had shredded them for other uses.]

It's so cold here. I can barely feel my hands.

So many pages have been lost in this journal that I can't even keep track with what day it is. I think I've been here for three months now... maybe more? I suppose I should have said something to someone about leaving but I figured with the high profile I ended up acquiring for myself, that going without a word would be for the best.

I wonder of Leoren... if he's finally had his way with Bertrem... if him and Anorah are still happy together. Who knows, I've been gone long enough.. maybe she's pregnant! That'd be a sight... if anyone finds me here... Hopefully I'll live to see that day.

I wonder if Nymare has come out openly with Qabian yet. I suppose, as long as she is happy, then that's all I could have really asked for.

Aphraelle... Well, I hope she healed fine. It was never my intention to bring her into harms way but I suppose anyone can read one sentence in many ways.

Diomades, Skafloc, The rest of the Ravens... Hopefully they'll find me. I hope. By the light I hope...

Bir.. [the rest seems to be quickly scribbed and trailed off. There are some water and mud stains all over the page.]

[Szordrin]

[ A few crude drawings of furred, ominous creatures littler the top of this page. ]


I found a cave today that I can hopefully reside in without any disturbances. With all of these storms and harsh winds, I'm having a hard time back tracking. A very... very hard time back tracking.

[Szordrin]

I think... that I can see a town over that ridge. I'm entirely exhausted...

If I don't make it now, I wont make it ever. If this is all that is to be found, then whom ever reads this, let it be known.... Szordrin Jolnin is no more.

[Szordrin]

((These are obviously not my original lyrics. No need to point out what band they're from.))



The first warm meal I've had... It tasted so damn good. I'm catching the next boat back. I wonder what awaits me.

Our five Creeds: Vengeance, Refuge, Tenancy, Unity, and Respect.

Alright.. I still remember. Good...

Burn it down till the embers smoke on the ground
And start new when your heart is an empty room
With walls of the deepest blue

Home's face: how it ages when you're away
Spring blooms and you find the love that's true
But you don't know what now to do
Cause the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago

And all you see
Is where else you could be
When you're at home
Out on the street
Are so many possibilities
To not be alone

The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
'Cause you knew you were finally free

'Cause all you see is where else you could be when you're at home
Out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone

And all you see is where else you could be
When you're at home
There on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone

[Szordrin]

"Isn't your Hawkstrider cold?"

Ha! Just wait until you venture a little further.

It feels so good to have the Ravens around again... A little odd to be back in Northrend... but good nonetheless.

I still can't get rid of the images though. The members of my crew did not deserve what happened to them...

[Szordrin]

This alcohol consumes me. I've poured nearly every single shilling I've found down my throat through the hole in my belly. Not that anyone has taken much notice as of yet though. It's irritating. Nymare seemed to find it humorous that I was drowning myself.

I'm not looking for attention. I don't care about what people think or how they view me. I just want to forget what has happened.

I'm bored. Something, please challenge me.

[Szordrin]

As I push harder north through these frozen pines and spruces, I can only wonder how much further until I break?

I think everything that once warmed my heart is as empty as this bottle. Oh how I love the irony that life brings us. Tempt me more, I dare you.

[Szordrin]

Waiting. waiting.waiting.waiting.waiting. I'm tired of... Waiting.

This is a time of action. I'll seek them out soon. I'll show them my purpose. If my superiors don't care for it, then so be it. I'm through with being idle in a time of need.

[Szordrin]

I've taken up fishing lately to overcompensate the urge to drink.. it's relaxing and has cleared my mind.

I'm starting to notice the similarities between this Onyx Sun and a few people I know...

Not to mention a suspicious letter from that of the Blades. With that response, I will eventually have to inform them that they have ruined their chances of allowing their guild into what Cristok and I have in store. If egos and vendettas cannot be put aside for the better of the horde, then perhaps their place is, indeed, whatever underworld awaits them. To the fires of fel with them.

Odd though... this Onyx Sun reminds me of someone...

[Szordrin]

Was it not surprising that even in a drunken state, a backhanded comment wouldn't go unchallenged?

Laugh, shun, do what you will to me. I could care less. All of your hollowed words and all of the time around you was wasted. I know what I was. Just some easy to target boy for a wolf to feed on. I took your bate but I didn't feast and for that, you went and created your own pack. Am I bitter? No. But by the Gods you best leave your words to yourself about who I take flight next to.

In a prior life, we could have been friends. We might have cuddled and kissed, played and dined. I have died since, so don't expect much else. The boy you once knew was murdered along with the rest of his exploration. His hopes, dreams, thoughts, ideals... they're all dead. I serve no one else but the horde and had I been wiser, I would have slit your throat when I had the chance.

Here's my violin and I play it one last time for you. A waltz for ages, a waltz for traitors, but mostly, it is a farewell to your insidious lies and deceit. You are a snake in wolf's skin. That's all you'll ever be.

Destroyed.

[Szordrin]

The harder I drink, the less I see them. Why don't people understand that I'd rather not tell the difference between an image and something tangible?

For fucks sake, are you all so stupid?

[Szordrin]

[The old leather bound book is riddled with dust along the edges of each page, tattered and worn. The message written below is in thick, black lettering.]

There will be a summit. This time, those who have proven worthy have finally stood out and there is little reason to burden the effort with those uninterested.

[Szordrin]

Events in which diplomacy and action take place on a daily basis. The difference between each action is one that creates a following action. I will be achieving my goals the correct way this time and not including those who would rather take a faction gain as their own for egotistical measures.

Be convinced that to be happy means to be free and that to be free means to be brave. Therefore do not take lightly the perils of war.