Mortica
07-30-2007, 04:08 PM
And not in one of those climatic ways, Diary.
My frustration has met it's peak. I want them all, diary. All of them. Caspaen, Khaelen, that stupid auctioneer in Silvermoon..... I have even thought lustful thoughts of Skafloc. And how dare I, he is now married to a women in betrayal of Evanthe!
Something must seriously be wrong with me. I am sending word to my parents. I am to come home to them for a short while. I know that it is a rash move, and I know that it may cause a bit of a problem between Caspaen and Khaelen.. but for my sanity I will be leaving for a short while.
I have gathered most of my things that I feel that I will need and left notes both on Caspaen and Khaelen's doors. They both read rather differently, I'm afraid... but I feel it is for the best. These past weeks have been nothing but stressful. I cannot sleep and when I do I wake up in another's bed. It is not healthy for me to live this way. I fear that I could have done something terribly wrong and not remembered it. I have been drinking an incredible amounts with Evanthe and two days later recover from the hang over.
How can I seem so innocent on the outside when I have such nasty thoughts on the inside? All I can think about is the curve of Caspaen's lips and the warmth of Khaelen's... well... you know... Khaelen... Well... hmm... let us change the subject.
The point is... I find them both so interesting, exciting... and everything I want... and I cannot make a decision. Physically and mentally I seem to form a complete decision on keeping them both. Tagging one along while I have my lot of the other... but that isn't right either. I know it isn't, but it's my natural decision. Can't decide?... Have them both!
I stare at myself for long hours into the mirror, wondering what is to become of me. I stare at the ring that Khaelen gave me and remember the words he spoke to me when he asked me to marry him.... of how soft and welcoming Caspaen's kiss is... I watch my own eyes whelp up in tears and swell with agony. My face becomes puffy and grotesque.... but I can't stop staring. I go to my room and stare at myself for the hours I am assumed asleep. I stand at the break of dusk and go about my chores, finishing the day with wine and chatter with Evanthe.
And boy do we Wine it up. Evanthe knows the best wines and how to drink them. She is very knowledgable on the subject. I do worry about her. I have told Skafloc to speak with her and take her abuse, but they do need to discuss their discomfort. Evanthe's pain is written clear across her face and Skafloc is so obvious of his guilt. I have no clue how I am the one to spot it, but I made sure he knew I was aware. He will hopefully speak with her soon.
Well... I have now discussed the various reasons of why I truely am to leave this majestic castle for atleast a few weeks. The castle messenger just returned from my home, with a letter stating that I am to return home immediately, that my family's mage will soon open a portal for direct transport so I do not have to travel in carriage. I am most pleased, this is something I want to do quick.
I need sleep, Diary... crave it.... but it refuses to come to me. When my door is closed my witty laughter is replaced with tears and my hair doesn't even fluff the way it use to... it is time... it is time.
In a moons time I am to return to the castle.
<3Xyria
My frustration has met it's peak. I want them all, diary. All of them. Caspaen, Khaelen, that stupid auctioneer in Silvermoon..... I have even thought lustful thoughts of Skafloc. And how dare I, he is now married to a women in betrayal of Evanthe!
Something must seriously be wrong with me. I am sending word to my parents. I am to come home to them for a short while. I know that it is a rash move, and I know that it may cause a bit of a problem between Caspaen and Khaelen.. but for my sanity I will be leaving for a short while.
I have gathered most of my things that I feel that I will need and left notes both on Caspaen and Khaelen's doors. They both read rather differently, I'm afraid... but I feel it is for the best. These past weeks have been nothing but stressful. I cannot sleep and when I do I wake up in another's bed. It is not healthy for me to live this way. I fear that I could have done something terribly wrong and not remembered it. I have been drinking an incredible amounts with Evanthe and two days later recover from the hang over.
How can I seem so innocent on the outside when I have such nasty thoughts on the inside? All I can think about is the curve of Caspaen's lips and the warmth of Khaelen's... well... you know... Khaelen... Well... hmm... let us change the subject.
The point is... I find them both so interesting, exciting... and everything I want... and I cannot make a decision. Physically and mentally I seem to form a complete decision on keeping them both. Tagging one along while I have my lot of the other... but that isn't right either. I know it isn't, but it's my natural decision. Can't decide?... Have them both!
I stare at myself for long hours into the mirror, wondering what is to become of me. I stare at the ring that Khaelen gave me and remember the words he spoke to me when he asked me to marry him.... of how soft and welcoming Caspaen's kiss is... I watch my own eyes whelp up in tears and swell with agony. My face becomes puffy and grotesque.... but I can't stop staring. I go to my room and stare at myself for the hours I am assumed asleep. I stand at the break of dusk and go about my chores, finishing the day with wine and chatter with Evanthe.
And boy do we Wine it up. Evanthe knows the best wines and how to drink them. She is very knowledgable on the subject. I do worry about her. I have told Skafloc to speak with her and take her abuse, but they do need to discuss their discomfort. Evanthe's pain is written clear across her face and Skafloc is so obvious of his guilt. I have no clue how I am the one to spot it, but I made sure he knew I was aware. He will hopefully speak with her soon.
Well... I have now discussed the various reasons of why I truely am to leave this majestic castle for atleast a few weeks. The castle messenger just returned from my home, with a letter stating that I am to return home immediately, that my family's mage will soon open a portal for direct transport so I do not have to travel in carriage. I am most pleased, this is something I want to do quick.
I need sleep, Diary... crave it.... but it refuses to come to me. When my door is closed my witty laughter is replaced with tears and my hair doesn't even fluff the way it use to... it is time... it is time.
In a moons time I am to return to the castle.
<3Xyria