Mortica
07-30-2007, 04:07 PM
Diary I cannot pretend that something is happening when it is not. The same with how something is happening. I cannot pretend any longer. I have placed my lips on anothers that is not Khaelen. I live with the guilt every day... but I cannot and will not fight this lust any longer. It has built up in me and I cannot stand it.
Caspaen is after Khaelen, he wants to fight for me. That is what I wanted... right? Now, I am not sure. How could I see Khaelen the same way after I have felt another mans warmth? I am surrounded by everyone in the castle but yet I still feel alone.
It will be bittersweet when I lay my eyes on Khaelen once more. I went to his room today, I found nothing but a deserted room. He is gone from me again, diary. Again, he is gone. Or atleast it appears so. Caspaen has been searching for him and hasn''t come across him yet. I do hope that I see dear Khaelen before Caspaen gets a hold of him. I do not know what is to come of this love triangle.
Evanthe and I have been spending quite a bit of time together as well. She whispered to Caspaen... putting a fire under him so. I guess that is partically why we kissed... he realized that even others have noticed his lack of go-to about us. I want a man that would fight, kill, and trample to get me. Not one that would idly sit by and complain that nothing is going their way.
Diary, I am telling you this in hopes that I come to realize that when it does come down to it, and they do fight it out... who will I choose? Will I allow myself a winner of the fight or the one who is lost and bruised? What if Khaelen does loose or if Caspaen is the one who faulters? How am I to feel about it all?
Diary, Diary, Diary... what will become of this mess?
<3Xyria
Caspaen is after Khaelen, he wants to fight for me. That is what I wanted... right? Now, I am not sure. How could I see Khaelen the same way after I have felt another mans warmth? I am surrounded by everyone in the castle but yet I still feel alone.
It will be bittersweet when I lay my eyes on Khaelen once more. I went to his room today, I found nothing but a deserted room. He is gone from me again, diary. Again, he is gone. Or atleast it appears so. Caspaen has been searching for him and hasn''t come across him yet. I do hope that I see dear Khaelen before Caspaen gets a hold of him. I do not know what is to come of this love triangle.
Evanthe and I have been spending quite a bit of time together as well. She whispered to Caspaen... putting a fire under him so. I guess that is partically why we kissed... he realized that even others have noticed his lack of go-to about us. I want a man that would fight, kill, and trample to get me. Not one that would idly sit by and complain that nothing is going their way.
Diary, I am telling you this in hopes that I come to realize that when it does come down to it, and they do fight it out... who will I choose? Will I allow myself a winner of the fight or the one who is lost and bruised? What if Khaelen does loose or if Caspaen is the one who faulters? How am I to feel about it all?
Diary, Diary, Diary... what will become of this mess?
<3Xyria