Silly Troll

[Itakae]

I am home now, I have been for days. Home. What is that anyhow? Is it Revantusk Village? Elwynn Forest? Shattrath? Or maybe home is just here, not in the land of the dead. Whatever the case is, I suppose I am glad to be alive once more. I do not know how I will ever be able to thank Sevi for what she did, bringing me back.

Things have been troubling me though, I saw things when I was.. dead, I guess. I saw my mother, my father; I had forgotten their faces, their scents, but I knew them when I saw them. It was strange. I even saw my Zen'ijin again. My mate. Feeling his presence made me want to stay in that dead place even more. I guess I had forgotten how much I missed him. We did not have much time together though, while my spirit was lost, but he was able to tell me the source of my ailment. In short, Voodoo.

The Spell, Zen told me, that I used to become human, it had taken it's toll on my body. I do not know why I did not simply listen to the words of my father, and of Zen. They always told me to stay away from the Voodoo, stay away from the Voodoo! But no, I thought that it was a good Idea to use a dangerous spell to turn myself into a human for that short time. Now look at me. At least my body is regenerating again, even though it is working too fast. I suppose it is better to live a short life than a long painful one. Maybe this will not be so bad. Dying, I mean dying for good, it cannot be that bad, can it? I am not ready to find out yet. Not at all. I can only hope that my time as a human was worth all of this.

[Itakae]

After some time, it is over, and I have been deeply wonded. I knew, though, I knew this would happen eventually, and I thought I was ready. Oh well though, pain of the heart goes away eventually, I think. That man was only a human, not worth mourning the loss of, whereas Zen'ijin was my mate, a Troll. Zen is the one whose loss I will mourn until my dying day, I shall not shed one tear for the human known as Jutte. He has made his choice, and if he meets me with his sword held high, I will fight. I will fight to restore what he took from me, if such a thing can ever be replaced. Hate him though, that is something I will not do.

I am Itakae, Shaman of the Darkspear tribe, I do not hate.

I do not hate. I will not hate, but I will live with this deep wound across my heart. He is the cause for my sickness of body and spirit.. but I will not hate! I cannot! I will live, I will overcome this illness, somehow. I will live my life and be happy. That is all I can do. I shall.

I am Itakae of the Darkspear, I will not give up.

[Itakae]

Secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets! Everyone has so many secrets! I will keep them though, safe, quiet, and tucked away. Secrets are secret for a reason. Though there are certain things I wish I did not know.. but I suppose there is nothing I can do to forget them. All I can do is hope to heal, hope to forget, hope to be free of my demons. I will be fine, I know it.

I was able to see Sefi again yesterday, that always makes the day much better! A friend always knows how to make things much more pleasant, how to make the darkness go away. I feel lucky to have such a friend.

[Itakae]

I fear my loyalties are being tested, though I do know where my loyalties lie. I shall never betray my friend. Never. I will stand strong. If anyone wishes to hurt Sefi, they will have to go through me.

I am Itakae, Shaman of the Darkspear tribe, and Scout of the Horde; my loyalty is to my friends, even though they wear the banner of the alliance.

[Itakae]

I feel sick to my stomach. I do not know what to do. I cannot, no, I will not have a hand in harming my friends! I will not! If that is what Sanctuary expects of me, then I erred in my judgement. I am terrified. I do not want to be out on my own again, I do not want to have to chose between my very best friend and the guild that I serve. If it must be though... I have already made my choice.

Maybe I should wait around in the guild hall a bit more, I do not spend much time there. Maybe I will be able to catch Nojinbu or Vilmah so that they can explain to me what crime my friends have committed. I want to tell them where Sefi was that night, when the conflict in Stranglethorn Vale occured. I want them to know that she was not there, and that she was in fact fighting back the Zealots of Fabled Order in Kalimdor.

Whatever happens, I am prepared to live on, with loyalty to those who have shown me nothing but kindness dispite my race. I will never betray Persefani, and I will never, never raise my weapon against a member of Sacred Fire.

[Itakae]

Broken. Torn. Burnt. Destroyed. Betrayed.

[Itakae]

*The page is blank except for numerous scribbles and crossed out words, in the middle of the page, it reads, "Itakae the Peacemaker"*

[Itakae]

Walking in Shattrath yesterday, I saw Tesserarius. It is a pleasure to see him, though we do not meet very often. I wonder though, how did this orc end up with that house of the dead?

I'm keeping a low profile at the moment, hiding out, I suppose I could say. It is always nice to be in Revantusk village, close to Zen. He spoke to me today when I was visiting his grave, told me to stay strong. His voice has always offered me so much comfort, I only wish that he were still here.

[Itakae]

I am so stupid. I left. I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have! I do not know what I was thinking! I hate being alone. I am afraid.

[Itakae]

I haven't seen much of anyone lately, it has been rather lonely, I must admit. But it is my own fault, I guess I need to learn to play nice and not push people away. I've still got to meet up with Sefi, I guess she's been busy lately with the Honour Guard and all, I understand. I'm really happy for her and all of Sacred Fire.

It has been a while since I last saw Rissako at World's End in Shattrath. That meeting was so strange, it was the first time I had seen him in two weeks or so, and he just.. vanished, mid conversation. Then he sent me that letter. I.. I just am not ready to hear someone profess such feelings. I do not want to get hurt again. I can't. I won't.

Anyhow.. I think I am getting stronger, I feel like it anyway. Soon I hope to start figting in arenas along side Stetrine. I think It will be fun. I really, really midd Hade though... She was supposed to fight along with us. She is gone now though, somewhere. I miss her.

[Itakae]

Hated. I am hated. All I want is to be able to live. That is all. Nothing more. I do not want this hatred. All I want is to bring peace. All I want it to live. TO LIVE. I brought this on myself. All of it. I deserve the hatred of the horde, the hatred of the alliance. I deserve this.

If it weren't for Xenaken, I would have died. Left the plane for good. What is the point in living when you do not belong anywhere in the world? The horde doesn't want me, the alliance wants to kill me. I fit nowhere.

[Itakae]

*the page is wrinkled and stained with tears. On it is a roughly drawn sketch of Itakae and Zen'ijin at their wedding*

[Itakae]

I want to know who did this, I need to know. I can't sleep at night, I can't eat. Hell, I can't even heal properly. I need to know who did this to my mate, my Zen'ijin. I need to know.

I'm scared.

[Itakae]

*Bold letters, seemingly carved into the page*

LIAR



What does this mean!? WHAT?!

[Itakae]

I miss him so much. Even after all these years, I miss him. I only hope I can get his skull back.. rebury it with the respect he deserves. My mate, my love. He did nothing to deserve this.

[Itakae]

He cannot get to me anymore, in my dreams, I mean. His spirit is lost until I get his skull back. He will wander, lost. He must be saved, my love, my Zen'ijin. I never realized how strong his presence was with me until now, now that he is gone. I need him, I need his soft whispered words that find me in my sleep. I need the aid he lends me. More importantly though, he needs me, now. He needs to be put to rest, my Zen'ijin needs to sleep.

I've been getting sicker since this all happened. With Zen's aid I had been fixing it, but now, I do not know what to do. A curse, a curse, a curse. I'm such an idiot. I want my mate. I want my daughter. I want none of these things to have ever happened. I guess.. I guess I would give up everything, all of my joys and sorrows, to be with them somehow. No. How could I write that? I mean it though, I must.

No. I will not give up my memories, my joys, my pains. I jus miss them so much...

[Itakae]

Sick. My body aches, and I am tired, so tired. I have to train though, I have to get stronger. I need Zen. I need him back in my dreams. I can't heal myself without him, he knows the way, I do not. I will fade if he does not return. I need to find his skull. I need it or I will die.

Haldren was kind enough to help me out and keep me company yesterday, I appreciate it so much. It is so easy to feel lost and lonely in a new place, it is comforting to know that there are people I can talk to.

I met Halios yesterday when I was traveling with Haldren on Azuremyst Isle, I think I will look him up again sometime, I would like to speak with him more.

[Itakae]

Nothing is hopeless, I am not afraid anymore.

[Itakae]

I've been so tired lately, I know I am fading slowly, but It is allright, I think. I need Zen's skull back if I want to live, I need it. There has to be a way. I am not too worried any more though, If I die, I die. I have come to accept the possibility.

*scribbles*

I am happy that there are good people in the world, good people that make me smile. I really do not know how I've survived this long, attempting to be peaceful like this. The world is strange!

[Itakae]

Love has found me.