Lovely
07-03-2007, 10:03 AM
Dear Journal,
I don't know how often I will write in you, but I have a bit of free time, and you are here with me, so I will express my thoughts to you.
Things have changed drastically as of late.
I suppose I should start with where I was, to better make sense of all this. I am Lovely Nex'Cruor, formerly the human paladin known as Lovely of Lakeshire. I have seen many things in my life...Some wonderful, but most terrible. My life has as of late been in servitude to chaos and emotions, and I have been a slave to my desires. I have also been weak and enabled other people to control me. No more will this happen. Events of late have changed me, and those changes are for the better.
My half-brother by adoption, Skafloc Ran'Deau...He had been married to a woman named Nymare, and the two had been happy for what seemed like a long time. I had been infatuated with her, however, as was my way. It seemed like I always wanted what someone else had, and her proximity to me drove me wild with desire. I was a slave to her, but by my doing and nothing else.
She left Skafloc....Went down a dark path with the Ghants. At first I was terrified, and thought that she might drag me down this path with her, because at that point I would have followed her anywhere. But Nymare did me a favor. When she left, she cut ties with me, and told me to watch out for my brother. In retrospect, this was the best thing she could have done. It shocked me into actually thinking with my head rather than with my desires, and I started to see things a bit more clearly.
I have spent the last two years clawing my way to freedom from Darkness. The Darkness that Clys introduced me into, and that the Grim tried to make me live with by force. And I followed those people willingly. But the darkness could not hold my love, even though I wanted it to. Nymare leaving Skafloc helped me to finally escape, and finally become free.
But I was still weak.
The same day that Nymare left Skafloc, I had thought I had found someone. A man who would be good to me...care for me...He made love to me tenderly, and professed his undying love to me. I professed mine in return, and it made me forget about the pain that Nymare had caused me....albiet that was pain that was needed.
Three hours after professing his love to me, I discover this man had done the same with several other girls, most of which were in Sanctuary with me. I was devestated. I was destroyed, turned into a husk worse than I was before I had come to Clys to make me this Sin'Dorei body.
For two days I tried to deal with all this. I cried alot, and tried to throw myself into my work...But I was still weak, and drawing inward, becoming a recluse and scared of the world around me. I even let people weaker than me walk all over me, such as Hellista....That little demon loving tramp.
Then one day it happened. I was out performing some missions with Nojinbu, Vilmah's husband, and asked for his advice. He told me to be strong, and for once the advice sunk in.
I made a vow that day, and it changed my life. I am in total control now. I am no longer a slave to darkness, or to my emotions. No one has power over me, and I do as I will to make myself happy, unconcerned as to what others may think.
My vow worked. Within a day I had someone new. I won't write her name here, lest others find it, but my little bouncy blonde rogue friend is perfect for me. We love each other without commitment, or promises, and adore each other to the point of worship. I still feel her breath on my skin, her teeth playfully tugging on my nipple rings, her hands on me...Her skin is smooth, silky...and when we make love that is all that matters, and there are never any strings attached.
She makes me feel alive, my little blonde rogue, and makes me happy even though we are simply good friends who use each other for pleasure. I want no commital..I need no commital. I only need happiness, and I have found it.
As for the others, I have found my peace with them. I forgive Diomades and Nymare from the bottom of my heart, and I wish them the best of what life has to offer. Beause now, like them, I am strong and confident...And they have helped to show me this strength. Light help those who now stand in my way.
I don't know how often I will write in you, but I have a bit of free time, and you are here with me, so I will express my thoughts to you.
Things have changed drastically as of late.
I suppose I should start with where I was, to better make sense of all this. I am Lovely Nex'Cruor, formerly the human paladin known as Lovely of Lakeshire. I have seen many things in my life...Some wonderful, but most terrible. My life has as of late been in servitude to chaos and emotions, and I have been a slave to my desires. I have also been weak and enabled other people to control me. No more will this happen. Events of late have changed me, and those changes are for the better.
My half-brother by adoption, Skafloc Ran'Deau...He had been married to a woman named Nymare, and the two had been happy for what seemed like a long time. I had been infatuated with her, however, as was my way. It seemed like I always wanted what someone else had, and her proximity to me drove me wild with desire. I was a slave to her, but by my doing and nothing else.
She left Skafloc....Went down a dark path with the Ghants. At first I was terrified, and thought that she might drag me down this path with her, because at that point I would have followed her anywhere. But Nymare did me a favor. When she left, she cut ties with me, and told me to watch out for my brother. In retrospect, this was the best thing she could have done. It shocked me into actually thinking with my head rather than with my desires, and I started to see things a bit more clearly.
I have spent the last two years clawing my way to freedom from Darkness. The Darkness that Clys introduced me into, and that the Grim tried to make me live with by force. And I followed those people willingly. But the darkness could not hold my love, even though I wanted it to. Nymare leaving Skafloc helped me to finally escape, and finally become free.
But I was still weak.
The same day that Nymare left Skafloc, I had thought I had found someone. A man who would be good to me...care for me...He made love to me tenderly, and professed his undying love to me. I professed mine in return, and it made me forget about the pain that Nymare had caused me....albiet that was pain that was needed.
Three hours after professing his love to me, I discover this man had done the same with several other girls, most of which were in Sanctuary with me. I was devestated. I was destroyed, turned into a husk worse than I was before I had come to Clys to make me this Sin'Dorei body.
For two days I tried to deal with all this. I cried alot, and tried to throw myself into my work...But I was still weak, and drawing inward, becoming a recluse and scared of the world around me. I even let people weaker than me walk all over me, such as Hellista....That little demon loving tramp.
Then one day it happened. I was out performing some missions with Nojinbu, Vilmah's husband, and asked for his advice. He told me to be strong, and for once the advice sunk in.
I made a vow that day, and it changed my life. I am in total control now. I am no longer a slave to darkness, or to my emotions. No one has power over me, and I do as I will to make myself happy, unconcerned as to what others may think.
My vow worked. Within a day I had someone new. I won't write her name here, lest others find it, but my little bouncy blonde rogue friend is perfect for me. We love each other without commitment, or promises, and adore each other to the point of worship. I still feel her breath on my skin, her teeth playfully tugging on my nipple rings, her hands on me...Her skin is smooth, silky...and when we make love that is all that matters, and there are never any strings attached.
She makes me feel alive, my little blonde rogue, and makes me happy even though we are simply good friends who use each other for pleasure. I want no commital..I need no commital. I only need happiness, and I have found it.
As for the others, I have found my peace with them. I forgive Diomades and Nymare from the bottom of my heart, and I wish them the best of what life has to offer. Beause now, like them, I am strong and confident...And they have helped to show me this strength. Light help those who now stand in my way.